I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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