mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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