Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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