It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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