yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
