3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
