I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We have started to decorate penises.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Come on in and take your pants off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
