I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
