I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
