my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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