every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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