hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
