Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
