At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just pee around me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize