We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
