Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
