They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
