He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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