i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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