I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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