Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
