Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize