There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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