The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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