Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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