i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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