I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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