Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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