Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
