My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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