He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize