i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
