Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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