my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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