Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
