cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize