Already got asked if we're dating
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Randomize