Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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