he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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