At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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