she looked like the before picture.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize