You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
