just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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