Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i've created a new STD.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
