Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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