guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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