Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
