whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
