I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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