Jerry, you need to find god
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
