Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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