Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize