You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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