my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
