Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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