Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
