Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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