I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
