it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
