My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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