OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
