Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
