i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
