OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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