The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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