I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
