cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
