areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
