i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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