Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
